To hear

I just want to be heard or is that listened to? It’s both really, because you can hear without listening and you can listen without hearing.

The worst is when someone thinks or even believes that they are listening, when they’re not. They say they hear you and understand, when they haven’t heard a single word, if they did they wouldn’t say those words “I understand”, because hearing and understanding doesn’t need words.

There are all sorts of courses available now, “listening skills” or “verbal and non-verbal communication” are just a couple of them. Courses like these do help, but they also give you a false belief in those skills.

It takes more than a course, to really hear someone, you have to want to, you have to want to hear what they are trying to say, even when their words don’t come out the way they want, or they can’t find the words they need to explain. It’s there fighting to come out, it’s just doesn’t always make its way out.

I know it is difficult to be around me sometimes or people like me, frustrating, annoying and even hurtful. You may sometimes be in a hurry, not emotionally available at that moment, or simply don’t know the person so conclusions are jumped to, assumptions made, mistakes happen.

But those assumptions cause more mistakes and more heartache, assuming someone is being negative just because they have been seen as negative before, or thinking they were having “a go” at you, because of their voice/tone, or because you’re having a bad day, or simply because you didn’t have time to listen to them, a bit like speed reading, getting the gist but missing the main story, creating your own ending, even if that isn’t what you wanted.

It can work both ways, positively and negatively. Seeing the best in someone who’s struggling helps them, but seeing the best in someone who maybe doesn’t have a “best” to them will only end up hurting you and those who care about you.

Seeing someone as being negative when they are and helping see a different way, can help but seeing someone a being negative when they aren’t and may be just finding their way through just makes the person feel worse.

Our brains make some of thoughts in milliseconds or less, its not always a conscious decision, but if you can make the choice to stop, breathe and really listen you could simply brighten someone’s day or even change their life. We even have the ability to listen. What could you hear ? …..