figuring things out

A little while ago I wrote about not being able to put my finger on what I was feeling. I was feeling very sad, down and struggling to do things. I was worried that maybe I was getting poorly again, without really being sure as to why.
The more time went on the more, the more my mood fell and the more my naughty little monsters in my subconscious got free and this just made things worse.
Thankfully this time, it appears it was more of a physical health rather than a mental health thing, in that my thyroid levels had dropped again and this seemed to be the cause, following a change in my medication I've gone from feeling like I wanted to cry all the time and feeling unable to function, to feeling relatively normal again.
It may sound a little strange but it was a relief to find out there was something wrong, something possibly causing the feelings, as its sometimes hard to feel so low and have no tangible reason why. Knowing it wasn't me, in a sense, something out of my control, helped.  You can't fix something if you don't know what's broken.
Its also been a good reminder that I'm still not where I need to be and there are still plenty of monsters in my head I need to defeat. Its disappointing that they are still there and still so destructive and powerful. I've tried not to allow them any power, but once my mood drops they gain power and strength.
You can feel so powerless, the overwhelming sadness, despair and hopelessness is so strong, its a challenge to simply open your eyes in the morning let alone get up and out of bed. The more you fight and struggle with these mundane tasks the more physically and mentally tired you get, the more your mood drops, its a vicious downward cycle. If you add into this the misunderstanding of others and the (probably) well meaning but normally hurtful comments, "you need to try harder", "push yourself" , "need to snap out of it" , or "get over it" can and usually do way more harm than good.
You just want to shout, "its not that easy", "don't you think if it was that easy I would", "do you really think I choose to feel this way", not many people choose to feel depressed, there are probably some out there that may, because it suits them or gets them something they feel they need, but for most of us its not.
Its hard to admit and talk about, but for those of us brave enough to admit and talk about it, to have it dumbed down, that you can just "snap out of it" is crushing.
Also for me the constant "you can talk to me" again I know they mean well and are trying to help, but when you don't know how you feel or don't know why you feel like this or where its come from, you can't, there's simply nothing to say. Sometimes you just need someone to say its ok, I'm here for you, here's a hug. "Hugs always help "
I don't want anyone to stop asking if someone is alright or offering that they can talk if they need to, because there are times when you need to talk, knowing there is someone you can talk to is so powerful.
So at least this time, although its been a tough few weeks, I have a reason behind it and a solution and thankfully I'm on the way up again.
Its hard not to be able to put your finger on a feeling, but it doesn't mean you can't change it , or find a solution.