It has been amazing getting back on a horse and being able to ride again, and it not feeling as scary as I thought it might. Being someone that always faced fears and had to fight nerves, I wondered if they would still effect me, whether in the same way or a different worse way. But my first lesson felt easy no sign of any nerves (other than the “its my first lesson in 8-10 years” nerves) , and getting compliments on my seat and ability in the saddle also went a long way to making this first lesson a big success for me. The following lesson again followed that same trend, with more compliments and some encouragement that I would soon be defeat, the biggest hurdle and fear (we’ll get to that bit).
I knew getting back to riding would probably mean facing and dealing with my 2 aim fears, (i) not being fully in control and (ii) jumping.
Thankfully I am now in a position to ride more often as my sister is allowing me to ride her horse, as she has a new horse to ride.
The first few rides went well, there were probably nerves there but not really noticeable, even when I fell from the new horse, other than being rattled, I was able to get straight back on and ride.
The more time spent on the horses, the more comfortable I am getting, which is how I can see there were some under the surface nerves.
So I decided it was time to grab my Brave Pants and wear them to ride ! and decided I was going to attempt some pole work and see how it felt. It was a last minute decision, but think that was the best way to go about it. I wanted to try it so i did.
I should probably explain the “big hurdle” now. About 8 years ago, when I was last riding before I retired India, I lost all my nerve when it came to jumping, I couldn’t even canter over a pole on the floor, I would pull out of jumps and poles on the floor, in panic, without being able to control my hand/arms, my subconscious was in control and I had no way of escaping, even trying to close my eyes didn’t work ! the only way to not pull on the reins would have been to not have any, which wasn’t going to happen (the other hurdle of being terrified of losing control)
I just decided that it was best to give up that aspect at the time, as it was only going to get worse.
But now I was ready to fight that again, I decided that it would be fine as my subconscious would have forgotten all about being scared and not get in the way this time.
So I announced to my sister I wanted to get over some poles even it was only in trot I was doing it, I pulled on my brave pants up and off I went, Moo, my sisters horse was brilliant and looked after me and we even managed to canter over the poles. I literally could have cried with happiness. This was a huge result and achievement for me.
I decided I wasn’t taking my brave pants off for anyone ! now I had managed the poles there was going to be no stopped me.
Next was repeating the poles on the floor and then we added a cross pole, jumping from a trot but I was jumping, next I attempted to head at a jump in canter ! nerves got the better of me and I pulled out, but with help from my sister we went back to the canter pole and then slowly built it up to the size it was, it was small but it was a jump and I was going in canter. 😊
My Brave pants are now my favourite things, they may be metaphorical, but they are there and I’m keeping them.
I’m taking it in small steps and setting goals, and I’m making the most of every moment, and celebrating every accomplishment.
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