A situation born out of a once positive friendship that had initially boosted my poor confidence and helped me get out of my closed little world, but had turned into a negative, draining "friendship". But I thought if I kept holding on a little longer I would get to a point where I would be strong enough to change things, I would have other things outside of this "friendship" , other options to follow.
I had started to make changes, I was moving away from the situation, growing as a person and enjoying other friendships and experiences. One particular friendship, proved to be one of the instigators in the ending of the friendship, I could see jealously not only in that this person wanted to spend time with me but also that I wanted to spend time with them.
It took me away from the situation and helped me see things in a new light, and the support that person gave, added much needed strength to fight for myself, and confidence in me and the person I was.
The friendship itself was ended by the other person a few weeks earlier, but I had held on to the idea of the friendship for some time longer, but my hand was forced by a message that was beyond cruel, but that message forced me into a new reality. For the first time I fought back and challenged the cruel, evil words and was able to prove them false. I said my piece, stood up for myself and ended things, blocking the phone numbers and social media pages. For once and for all slamming that door.
It was an invigorating, exciting and powerful moment for me, a feeling I took with me for some time. It was also challenging as I had to look at things and people differently. Relearn things and how to trust again, not only other people but myself too, I had to be brave enough to try. Hold my head up dealing with my depression, very quickly after the "friendship" initially ended I had been able to return to work, the support and encouragement of the people I was working with, further boosted me and seeing them happy I had shut that door, was further reinforcement that it was right.
By a strange coincidence earlier that same day I had received the news that my very first blog "Looking Back" was to be published on the mental health website I am 1 in 4, which was incredible to me. Shortly after I'd blocked the "friend" it was shared on the websites Facebook page. The comments, likes and shares were again an amazing boost, having strangers comment and offer support was mind boggling.
It was a lesson in the true nature of people, helping me develop my trust in people again. Friends and family members shared my blog with their own beautiful words and support.
It also had one more surprise in store, a friend who I'd lost because of the actions of the "friend" we had in common, did, what to me was very brave thing in getting back in touch with me. Our friendship had always been effected and damaged by the "friend" I mentioned earlier. She could have stayed away, but she didn't she reached out and got in touch, it was hard at first to get my head around things, but the more we talked the more I learnt what she had been put through by this other "friend" and how similar our experiences had been, further proving the cruel words were lies and designed to harm. Her support helped me regain some of my confidence and when I came to creating my own Zumba class, she was right there encouraging me.
Its been over a year since I first put pen to paper and wrote about my feelings and experiences, I still find it very therapeutic as the my pencil flows freely across my note pad, and then my fingers dance across the keyboard , the words easily escape in ways my mouth wont always do.
Thank you to all that support me and took the time to read and share. xx
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